Where They Panic
by Kid9535
Summary: The not-so ultimate not a real POT crossover, but you'll find out. No extra characters but a lot of crack. Act 1. The regulars are informed. T for language in later chapters. No pairings. Did I say some? I meant a lot of gay reference
1. Intro Where Freshman Two Scheme

Where the Freshman Two (No Horio) Scheme

A/N: Greetings people, I have risen miraculously from the dead. But I shall die soon, so enjoy this last multi-chaptered, ohmygoshIcan'tstanditanymoreImustpostthisImustImustImust fic. This will be the utmost weirdest I have ever written. Have fun.

Disclaimer: I don't' own anything especially not the copious amounts of anime references I shall be using.

Where the Freshman Two (No Horio) Scheme

It didn't begin with Fuji or Inui, like anyone would have expected. Or even with Momoshiro or Echizen or even Taka-san. Not Kaidoh, nor Tezuka nor even Horio or Sakuno.

It began with Kachiro and Katsuo.

Kachiro and Katsuo were collecting tennis balls like nice first-year non-regulars of Seishun Gakuen, unlike a certain Horio, when they overheard Ryuuzaki-sensei mulling (and mumbling) over a sheet of paper as they passed by the clubroom. They looked uncertainly at each other, and then knocked on the door.

Ryuuzaki-sensei looked up and smiled, showing teeth. The two freshmen made an effort not to compare her to a shark.

--

Inside the clubroom, with the balls placed neatly in a crate by the side, Kachiro asked Ryuuzaki-sensei what she was mulling over. Ryuuzaki-sensei replied that some 'fancy-schmancy famous-amous' ("Sensei, that's not really-" Katsuo began) tennis company was hosting a celebration event in correspondence to the National Tournament. All school tennis clubs that participated in the preliminaries, semi-finals, finals, etc. were to attend. They, the tennis clubs, would then be given access to new and improved tennis courts to 'sort of kind of' trial-run and also act as an exhibition. ("Totally unheard of, they said, a new and sensational idea, they said," Ryuuzaki-sensei gritted out.) There would be plenty of resources and space ("Remember Atobe's Gift to Kabaji? On the airship? That big place?" Kachiro and Katsuo nodded. "They revamped it and doubled the size…") to last all the schools at least two weeks, which was double the time they were supposed to stay.

The problem was that the uniforms hadn't been decided yet. Which was a good thing since the Junior Senbatsu Camp uniforms weren't exactly accepted amongst every single participant. So it was up to Seigaku, the winner of the National Tournament, to decide on the outfit. But they had to be consistent at least in category.

Now Ryuuzaki-sensei had gone through just about every idea that popped into her brain, casuals ("Too boring"), fruits and vegetables("Too healthy), foodstuff ("People like Momoshiro and Jirou might become just a little too eager."), Neko-outfits ("Uhm, sensei?"), birthday suits ("SENSEI!"). Ryuuzaki-sensei sighed.

Just then, Kachiro made a sudden reference to the Kantou Finals just as Katsuo had recalled something. They turned to each other and grinned. "Sensei, we have a suggestion!"

Ryuuzaki-sensei's eyes wrinkled (even more) with glee.

--

Wait, wait what does this have to do with the story? You ask. Everything.

TBC

A/N: Wonderful cliffy eh? Yes! I shall not update till I get ummm, A NICE LARGE NUMBER OF REVIEWS. Yes.


	2. Interlude: Where Monobrow Twitches

Where Monobrow Twitches

A/N: Welcome, you've clicked on a link that leads to the next installment of 'Where They Panic'

Warning: This story will make you lose braincells. BUT HECK I'M NOT SMART!

Disclaimer: All disclaimers go to chappie 1 because I is too lazy. Kind of ironic isn't it? This is much longer than the disclaimer.

**Where Monobrow Twitches**

"Horio-kun!"

"You guys! You came to visit me after all! The great Horio-kun is so happy!" Horio sniffed as he welcomed his friends into his 'specially customized just for the great Horio-sama because he has two years of tennis experience' room. Wait, it's not just a room. It's a _hospital _room.

Why?

Well that's exactly what Kachiro and Katsuo, Horio's two bestest (or maybe only) friends are about to find out.

"Why weren't you at practice yesterday, Horio-kun?" Katsuo asked the smirking boy in bed.

"I had to do some official Seigaku Tennis Club business elsewhere, but while I was completing my dangerous and exceedingly important mission, I got into an accident and had a concussion, but not before completing that oh so special mission!" Horio recited proudly.

Kachiro blinked and checked the clipboard attached to the end of the hospital bed. He stared at the stastics and looked up.

"Apparently, Horio-kun, you were running down the sidewalk after school screaming how Seigaku was going to kick all the other schools' tennis teams' asses when you included yourself in the list of names of regulars and your oversized ego caused your head to explode, the impact then forced you to collide into the nearest brick wall at the street courts giving you a massive concussion."

"It sounds better when I tell it." Horio grumbled, leaning back into his pillow.

"Speaking of which," Katsuo intervened, "how did you get the doctors to allow all this?" He gestured to the decor. Plastered onto the walls of the room were collages of 'the great Horio-sama' smirking and grinning and posing coolly with a tennis racket.

"I said it motivated me," Horio shrugged.

"Oh, yes, Horio-kun, while you were gone, Katsuo and I went to see Ryuuzaki-sensei," Kachiro suddenly spoke.

"More like walked in on her doing some paperwork." Katsuo corrected.

"Yes, well, anyway she was deciding the theme for the upcoming event-"

"Event?" Horio interrupted. "What event?! Why wasn't I informed earlier?!"

"Actually, it's good that you weren't, we haven't told the rest of the team about it yet, so if you knew, that wouldn't be a good thing. Really. So, we helped Ryuuzaki-sensei decide on the theme for the event. It's a celebration event in correspondence to the Nationals."

"Our school team won so we were allowed to choose the uniform there. Only Ryuuzaki-sensei couldn't decide so Katchiro and I helped." Katsuo finished.

"The greatest event ever," Horio slumped back into his pillow. "And I wasn't invited?"

"Only regulars are allowed. That means excluding us too." Kachiro pursed his lips.

"Yeah, you're not the only one who's disappointed." Katsuo crossed his arms.

"Oh…I see." Horio replied, slinking back into what seemed like an ominous cloud of depression.

"Well, we have to go now Horio-kun. Remember, **don't tell anyone**." Kachiro warned.

"I thought Ryuuzaki-sensei was working on that bit about non-regulars joining in…" Katsuo whispered to Kachiro.

"Horio-kun might be more dismayed if we told him." Kachiro reasoned.

"True."

So the two of them left an injured Horio-kun alone to play with images in his head about the great Horio-sama becoming the Prince of Tennis.

Needless to say he got another concussion.

Hey I never said this had to make sense.

TBC

A/N: Please look forward (or not) to the next scene. Where Regulars are Regulated.


	3. Act 1 Sc 1 Where Regulars are Regulated

A/N: The title is exactly what it means. And I know some people think that just because I used 'Where' in my title, it's somehow connected to 'Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni', honestly, I don't even like horror. It gives me the willies.

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda don't own anything etc. etc.

Where the Regulars Are Regulated (Part 1)

On Saturday morning, the Freshman two were discussing as the Regulars were practicing.

First things first, Kachiro and Katsuo told each other. For Ryuuzaki-sensei's sake, we must inform Tezuka-buchou, then the rest. Ryuuzaki-sensei, you see, had gone to email the company to inform them of their choice in uniforms.

"For enter-, I mean Ryuuzaki-sensei!" Kachiro and Katsuo shouted, doing an air-punch in sync.

All was well in the Seigaku Tennis Club, and by well, I mean as well as they normally. Inui was making his life-threatening juices of evil; Fuji was doing his life-threatening smiles and glares of evil; Momoshiro and Kaidoh (and poor Oishi who was dragged into it) were interlocked in a life-threatening battle of good (?) vs evil; Eiji was doing his life-threatening acrobatics that seemed evil to people who couldn't; Kawamura was burning in a life-threatening way that seemed evil; Tezuka-buchou was giving his life-threatening orders (of evil), Ryoma was beating all the arrogant second-years in a life-threatening evil sort of way. Okay, stopping now.

Kachiro and Katsuo headed over to Tezuka-buchou and whispered something to him that made him freeze completely before refusing. Very adamantly. But Kachiro and Katsuo produced a slip of paper that made Tezuka visibly pale over and mentally swear that they were out to get him and every last bit of his sanity.

"Everyone! Gather around!" Tezuka ordered. Immediately, all the tennis regulars stopped their normal life-threatening acts of evil and gathered.

"It appears," the buchou began, rubbing his temples in exasperation, "That we are to attend yet another celebratory event for the National Tournament. It is to be treated as a business event where we will trial-run new courts and the newest equipment through casual matches." A murmur rose from the group. "It will last a week and will take place on a revamped doubled-in-size version of Atobe's airship." The chatter became louder and Tezuka had to struggle to be heard. "The schools that took part in the tournament are all invited."

"BUT…" Tezuka paused, effectively silencing everyone. "In regards to our uniform," Tezuka paused again and waited for the whispers and groaning to die down before continuing. "As much as it pains me to say…we have to cosplay."

"WHAT?!"

"Yay!"

"Shit."

"Possibility of -- being -- --percent…"

"But won't we have trouble playing in...cosplay material, Tezuka-buchou?"

"Apparently, it's for training as well as fun. These matches don't count for anything. There are no prizes and only experience is to be gained."

"Is it free?"

"…yes."

"Will we have to provide our own cosplay material?"

"Will we have to change everyday?"

"Will the expenses be covered for by the company?"

"Can I wear a Neko-outfit?"

Tezuka stiffly answered yes; yes; yes and gave a disgusted look to Eiji who grinned sheepishly and slunk behind Oishi.

Tezuka dismissed them and turned to leave but was stopped by Kachiro and Katsuo who held out an aspirin and a cup of water.

After Tezuka's headache was walking towards the clubroom and safely on the mend, Kachiro and Katsuo decided that the rest of the schools needed to be informed. They called up Ryuuzaki-sensei who replied that the company had agreed to the plan and would gladly foot all bills for the cosplay outfits. They had also made a very disturbing request that at least one of the tennis regulars dress as a Man-Faye. The request was quickly and sharply denied.

TBC

Part 2: Rikkaidai

A/N: Rikkaidai is coming out once some people review. Or I'll cry. And curse myself. And I'll do it in the worst places. The toilet. Yes, inspiration oozes in abundance from the toilet. Believe you me, mbc and I get most of our inspiration from the toilet. Crazy, no?

Anyway, REVIEW FOOL.

And apologies for this being so short.


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